HELLO! It’s been a while.
I didn’t originally plan to take a month off from Cheers! But looking at my calendar for the month of May, I really should have.
The first week I skipped sending it out, it was because I genuinely forgot about it. After a Friday night out at a Mykonos beach club and late night up in the villa shout-singing Shania Twain, I woke up on the Saturday morning of my best friend’s hen do and thought, “Oh shit.” Somewhere between packing Wednesday night and getting up at four AM for the flight to Greece on Thursday morning, the need to set aside time to write this newsletter had dropped straight out of my head. When I realised I’d forgotten, I surprised myself by being able to shrug my shoulders and let it go. I did feel a moment of the all-to-familiar rush of shame that comes whenever I miss a deadline or let myself down on a commitment. But ultimately, what was I going to do? Waste precious time where I could be celebrating my friend to force myself to write?
What’s one week anyways?
The next week came and my parents were in London. I felt drained from getting through a busy work week, recovering from said incredibly fun hen do, and getting the flat visitor-ready. I sat down a few times in the week trying to think of what I wanted to write about. But nothing came out. Once I finished work on the Friday and sat down to bang out a post before my parents arrived from the airport, I found I still had nothing to say.
Finally the May bank holiday came and I was out of excuses. I had the house to myself for the weekend and planned to spend the Friday night and Saturday enjoying some desperately needed unstructured alone time. I stocked the fridge with all my favourite foods, went for a long run, and settled in to write something before I logged off for the weekend. But this time, I admitted to myself I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to read a book. I wanted to watch TV. I wanted to go to sleep by 9 PM. I just didn’t feel like it.
I started Cheers! with the goal of writing more consistently— specifically every week. I’ve always struggled with the writerly advice that the best writing practice is to “Write every day.” I’ve approached this rigid mandate with so many different methods — from setting myself a daily word count to committing to a daily time spent writing. Predictably, I was successful in hitting my goals for the first few weeks. But when life got busy, I found myself breaking the streak.
This inevitably led to a shame spiral about not being a “real” writer because “real” writers have discipline. “Real” writers write every day. “Real” writers don’t take breaks.
This all-or-nothing thinking meant I never got back on my streak. Instead of giving myself a break and getting back to it the next day, I would let the days pile up without sitting down to write. I was too ashamed to return to the spreadsheets I’d created to track my progress to face the “0 Words” staring back at me. Each time I fell out of my routine, I felt I was proving my inner critic right: I’m a lazy hack who’s not very good at writing.
When I hit Friday evening of my long weekend, I decided to experiment with how I framed the situation to myself.
Maybe the mistake wasn’t skipping another week of Cheers!.
Maybe the mistake happened back at the beginning of May.
Maybe the mistake was not spotting that I needed a break.
This month, I also started training for a half-marathon. I’m not naturally inclined towards running. I normally need a gym class at a specific time with a specific opportunity-cost of missing it to get me to work out. But after watching Charlie’s brother, sister, and brother-in-law run the London Marathon this year, Charlie and I decided we should take on something more ambitious.
Charlie’s brother, Harry, is a Sub-3 Hour marathon runner who graciously made us each a personalised training plan for the three months leading up to the race. When I saw the plan, I was initially surprised at how many rest days there were. Most weeks are only three or four runs of varying distance and pace, leaving half the week for cross training or recovery.
Unsurprisingly, I’ve been very good at taking all of my rest days.
I realised that it’s easy to rest when someone else is telling you to — when it’s part of a wider plan. When it’s actually going to make your splits faster if you let your muscles recover and heal.
The hard part comes when we have to put those boundaries in for ourselves. When rest is not a sanctioned action on a to-do list, it is much easier to conflate it with giving up.
Last week, I decided that I wouldn’t write Cheers! for another week — but that I could only do it if I didn’t let myself feel guilty about it. I didn’t text Charlie or my Mom seeking validation for skipping another week. I didn’t ask someone else to say that it was “okay” or open myself up to judgement from others that I might not be hitting my goals.
I let myself rest — knowing that when I wanted to write again, I would.
I can’t wait to write to you again next week.
Cheers to the weekend and cheers to you!
Kelley
SUCH a great post - you've said all the right things! Go, Kelley - and Cheers! 😘
YES! love the message!!